My true fear as a person
I think I finally realize that, deep down, there is really just one true fear I have.
Despite what I've written in my old journal entries, it's none of the below:
- losing my financial security
- being dependent on a job that I hate
- (re)gaining all the weight that I once lost
- never recovering from the burnout/depression symptoms
- being inadequate
No.
I can be poor, fat, or inadequate.
In fact, I'm OK with failing many different times and ways.
However, I don't want to be someone who just lets himself fail.
Someone who gives up or doesn't even try in the first place, simply because it's hard or scary. Someone who doesn't give it his all.
That's what causes true regret: the one haunting you on your deathbed.
It makes reality so painful that you try to distract yourself from it by any outlet possible. To to make you forget, even for a moment. But you will always know the truth. You will always remember.
That makes you lose your self-respect.
I don't want to be that person anymore.
Time for actions.